I'll Fly With You
by Dark Purple Rain
Summary: Wouldbe lovers kept apart by circumstance and fear finally find a way to be together, even if not for long. JPLE RLSB, please review, it makes me happy!
1. The Resolution

**I'll Fly With You**

Night had fallen over the Hogwarts castle, and most of the students had taken to their respective common rooms. It was for this reason that Lily Evans could be found in the library, with a tall stack of spellbooks on the small table beside her cushy armchair. She was quite content sitting there, reading and thinking in silence, other than the occasional beep of a student checking out a book. Lily was not antisocial, not in the least, but lately she had found that she was happiest in the library, in her armchair, with her books and her thoughts as her only company. That evening, she had read about thousands of magical spells, many of which she intended to try for herself sometime soon. She was a very bright witch, ahead of almost every other Sixth Year, with an impressive knack for Charms. She wasn't usually competitive, but it _did_ bother her that some people could get good grades doing barely any work. Like that Potter boy...

Her thoughts had wandered to James several times throughout the day for some unknown reason. It bothered her, because he was one of those boys whom she had always avoided. He was immature, lazy, always antagonizing some poor bloke or another... and he always had this mysterious, mischievous look in his eyes... oh, those eyes... she had always had a bit of an eye fetish. And a thing for athletes, and _wouldn't you know_, James happened to be a star of the Quidditch team...

Lily had had enough. It was late, and she had Transfiguration class early the next morning—which James incidentally happened to be in—and she didn't want to show up for class with huge dark circles around her eyes. She stood and reached or the first four of the stack of books, which she had already finished, and put them on a rack for the library aide to reshelve. Then she turned to go, with the remaining three books, and took them to the check-out desk.

"Good evening, Miss Evans," greeted the library aide, a pleasant young woman with dark rimmed glasses and shimmery green robes.

"Good evening," Lily responded politely, flashing the woman a pretty smile.

"A bit of bedtime reading, eh?" she joked jovially, somewhat teasing Lily's habit of taking out 2 to 3 different books a night.

"You could say that," Lily answered, with a giggle. A moment later, Lily emerged from the library into a long hall leading to her dormitory in Gryffindor tower. She passed through the common room on her way to her room, in somewhat of a daze, not really absorbing anything around her. Out of nowhere, something small and pointy hit her head with a thump. Startled, she went to examine the object, when all of a sudden a hand on her arm caused her to jump about a mile out of her skin.

"Aaargh!" she shrieked.

"Sorry," said a disturbingly familiar voice all but dripping in sarcasm.

James Potter. Typical. Fantastic. Lily turned around slowly.

"_What... was... THAT?" _she asked in a shaky voice which sounded dangerously close to a yell.

"Oh, me and my pal Sirius here just invented a game called Shooting Stars. Haven't quite got all the kinks out of it, yet. Really tricky magic, you know, aiming those buggers with just your wand. Wanna have a go, then?"

It was all Lilly could do not to hit him right there. She stood stock still for a moment, eyes closed, cheeks as red as her hair, as she composed herself. Finally she looked at James, and said to him, "When are you going to _grow up_? Ugh!"

With that, she turned on her heel and walked away, leaving a slightly astonished James staring after her in the common room with a couple of snickering onlookers.

Back in the dormitory, Lily was relating the story to her friend Emma, who was listening quietly, looking deep in thought.

"Lily," Emma said carefully, not wanting to upset her even more, "why, may I ask, do you get so angry when it comes to James? Why does it bother you so much? Could it just be that he's a boy, being a boy--"

"--no, Emma, no! That's not it at all! It's almost as if... it just looks to me as thoug... as though whenever I'm around, he gets ten times worse. More immature. More cocky. Almost as if he _likes_ to make me angry, like I'm some sort of challenge! Like he's... testing me or something!"

"Lily, do you want to know what I think?"

"Yes."

"I think that you are overreacting. Because you are angry---"

"--Obviously I'm angry, Emma. _Honestly,_" Lily interrupted snappishly.

"Let me finish! I was _going_ to say, because you are angry that maybe he's acting this way because he likes you, and maybe you are even angrier because you like him too and you can't handle that."

Lily was shaking. Whether it was from anger at that her friend had suggested, anger with herself for even thinking about it, or fear that perhaps Emma was right, she did not know. She had just opened her mouth to respond when Emma cut her off.

"Lily, I know you too well to think that you don't know I'm right. You're too smart not to. Now shut up about it. It's late and we all want to sleep."

In her preoccupation, Lily hadn't even realized their other two dorm-mates standing quietly in the doorway, practically waiting to be told to come into their own room. Both girls were wide-eyed, and instantly looked to Lily for an explanation of what had looked like quite the intense discussion. Lily couldn't be bothered to talk about it anymore, so she hoped that they'd taken the hint when she squeezed her eyes shut in mock sleep until it seemed as though they had all changed and gotten into bed. Not until the room was dark and silent did Lily open her eyes and quietly slip from her bed to change.

Later, when Lily had gotten back into bed, she lay awake for a long time. She thought about what Emma had said, and about what she herself felt about the whole thing. She decided that, _if_ James fancied her at all, it was nothing serious. Then she thought about the way she felt about him... and there, in the darkness of her dormitory in Gryffindor tower, Lily resolved that she would stop thinking about him. Then and there, she decided that Lily Evans and James Potter would never be—as long as she could help it.


	2. The Encounter

**_I'll Fly With You_**, chapter 2

The next few days were a blur to Lily, filed with essays and double assignments and twice as much work as she was used to. The holidays were coming up, and with the end of the term came the ever-dreaded mid-term exams. Rather than panicking, as many fellow Seventh-years seemed to be doing, Lily was filled with a nervous excitement. This was Lily's time to shine. She knew it, and so did everyone else. Although she wasn't the only extremely talented student in her year, she was one of the few who didn't buckle under pressure. She lived for it. The harder her assignment, the better her grade. The frenzy before exams was always Lily's chance to stand out amongst her peers. While the others frantically paged through weeks' worth of notes, looking for this counter-curse or that ancient Minister of Magic's name, Lily returned faithfully to her spot in the library, night after night, to read up on anything she hadn't already studied that day. Lily was ahead of her game. And even though the library was looking more populous these days, Lily was still for the most part left alone in her corner by the fiction-for-young-witches section.

Every once in a while, Emma or one of Lily's other friends from class would stop by to say hi, or to ask her to explain something. Occasionally, Emma would bring her some food from the kitchens, when Lily had read straight through dinner (which happened quite often nowadays). Generally, Lily appreciated these distractions. She loved being able to help people understand what they were reading and studying, and of course Emma was forever saving her from going to bed hungry. But every once in a while, Lily would receive an interruption that was anything but welcome. She would be completely immersed in a book, and out of nowhere, her stack of books would tumble to the ground with a horrific crash. Then, suddenly, James would appear with a wicked gleam in his eye, scooping them up and gallantly setting them right. Or she would be having a conversation with someone about classical Muggle literature, and James would rudely cut in with something alarmingly stupid like, "If Muggles are so great, then why can't they do _this_?" and proceed to shoot on of his (not-so-)brilliant 'stars' at some poor unsuspecting student at a nearby library desk. Lily would love nothing more than to hit him or to yell, but she knew better than that. 'No,' she decided, 'that boy is _dangerous_. Can't be trusted. If he's got some sort of secret agenda, I'm _not_ going to a part of it.'

Finally, it was Saturday. The teachers had cleverly scheduled a Hogsmeade trip for the day. That way, students who were becoming antsy could get a break from their studying and some time to do some Christmas shopping. Alternately, students who still had work to do could do so without anyone in their way. Emma decided that she needed the break, but was hesitant to leave Lily behind.

"Go, Ems. Have fun. Tell me if you see anything good in the shops."

"Lily, what are you going to do today? DON'T tell me you're staying in the library, I won't allow it."

"I'll… take a walk or something," Lily said purposefully.

Emma eyed her skeptically. "You sure?"

"Emma, GO!" Lily exclaimed, laughing. "Have fun!"

So Emma went, vowing to bring Lily something from the sweets shop, and Lily put down the Charms textbook she was now re-reading for the third time. She got up and walked out of the library, and out the door on the far side of the Great Hall. The air was cold and Lily could see her breath, as she shivered a little under her thin cloak. She quickened her step to warm up, and before she knew it she had broken into a jog. She ran around near the big hut where the games-keeper lived, then on past the Herbology greenhouses. She had no real destination, she just enjoyed the warm feeling she got from moving so fast against the cold, bitter December air. She ran blindly until she came across the seemingly empty Quidditch pitch. She looked around for a bit and, seeing no one, ventured inside. She had been at Hogwarts almost seven years, and she had only been on the pitch twice. Once, to watch the final game in her first year, and again last year… she shook her head to rid herself of such painful memories. She had promised herself that she would try to let what had happened go…

She walked toward where the spare brooms were kept, for lessons or practices, and picked one up. She held it, felt the bristles, and ran her fingers along the cool, smooth oak of the handle. She stood holding the broom, thinking about something but not really thinking at all, when once again he appeared out of nowhere.

"You like that one? It's my favorite practice broom."

Lily spun to face him, dropping the broom in her haste. "Sorry," she mumbled under her breath, scrambling to pick up the broom and in the process knocking down several more.

James laughed. "Lily, it's okay. I've got 'em," he offered as he effortlessly scooped up ten or twelve brooms at once. Lily just stood there, not really knowing what to do with herself, looking quite as though she had been caught in the act of doing something wrong. James looked at her, and after a few wordless moments he began to speak.

"Err… well, what were you doing back here, anyway? Never took you for much of a Quidditch player."

"Ahh… I, er… just went for a run, you know, and I saw the pitch and I looked around and thought it was empty, so…"

"You looked around, did you?" James asked, smirking a bit.

"_Yes,"_ Lily snapped.

"Looked around the Quidditch pitch…"

"WHERE are you going with this, Potter?"

"By any chance, did you think to look… up?"

Lily threw her hands up in frustration and started to stomp away.  
"Lily, wait!" James shouted, jogging a bit to keep up with her.

"WHAT?"

"I'm sorry. I was only teasing. Sorry," he repeated, panting a bit after the unexpected run.

"Whatever." She quickened her pace.

"Lily, stop and talk to me for a second please?"

Lily looked at him warily but stopped anyway. "Talk," she commanded curtly.

"Blimey, you move fast. You like, a closet athlete or something? Bookworm by day, secret Olympic runner by—"

"—Potter!"

"Okay, okay. What I was _going_ to say was, I'm sorry for being kinda…"

"Stupid, prattish, childish?"

"ANYway, right, so I'm sorry. One question though, and then I'll leave you alone forever," James said dramatically. "Why do you hate me so much? Was I really ever that horrible to you? You're not a mean person, that much I know. If I've made you hate me somehow, I'm really, really sorry."

Lily sighed. "I don't hate you, James."

"You called me James! Progress!"

"Sod off."

"Ah, fighting words. So, I was wondering if you'd like to go up with me some time."

Lily smiled—a little—in spite of herself. "Go _up_ with you? Don't you mean go _out_ with you?" Lily asked, mockingly.

"No. Up," he repeated, pointing. "Up there."

Suddenly, without warning, Lily's face clouded over.

"I can't. I'm sorry, I have to go," she mumbled, slightly incoherently, as she turned and continued to walk up the path leading back to the castle, leaving a confused and crushed James Potter behind, yet again.

Lily cursed herself as she walked quickly. 'I can't believe I almost let something happened. _Why_ did I go there? WHY? Aarrghhh!" That last bit was said out loud, setting a few giggly First-year girls into a bout of laughter. One look from Lily shut them up fast. Lily went inside and, finding the school still devoid of older students, started thinking of possible places to hide out and think for a while, or at least until Emma got back. She heard the big double-doors open again behind her and, not wanting to deal with it, she ran up to the Gryffindor common room and sunk into a loveseat with its back to the doorway. 'Damn,' she thought, 'forgot to bring a book.'

So she was left alone to sit there, not daring to turn around lest she find James there. Eventually, seconds turned to minutes and everything turned fuzzy. She felt her eyelids close and the next thing she knew, two hours had passed and the common room was once again buzzing, most of the students having apparently returned from the Hogsmeade shopping excursion. She sat up, rubbing her eyes, and scanned the room for a sign of him. Seeing none, she stood and stretched, and started to walk instinctively toward the library. On her way out the door, she ran into Emma on _her_ way _in_.

"So, how was it? Good stuff?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, got a few nice things. No peaking though," she added mischievously, "your Christmas present's in there!"

"Oooooh, presents!" Lily exclaimed as she started grabbing for the bag.

"No!" Emma squealed as she tore up the stairs, Lily racing up after her.

The two girls ran into the room laughing. Lily, having given up on the shopping bag, flopped onto her bed. Emma followed suit, having thrown her cloak carelessly on the floor.

"Slob," Lily said accusingly, as she automatically reached for the cloak and draped it over her own on the back of a desk chair. Lily thought back to the previous couple of hours, and sighed.

"Emma?"

"Yeah? What's up?"

"Em… I need to talk to you…"

"Lily, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Emma asked nervously.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, it's just… today, while you guys were gone, I took a walk…"

"Okaayyyyy…."

"…and I somehow ended up on the Quidditch pitch…"

"Hmm, I _wonder_ why."

"…and James was there. And we talked for all of about two minutes…"

"Wow, you talked to him? Without causing injury? I'm impressed."

"…anyway, we were looking at brooms…"

"…"

"…and he asked me to up with him…"

"Oh, no…"

"And I ran away," Lily concluded, with a sad note of finality.

"Oh, _Lily…" _ Emma groaned, sliding off her own bed and sitting gingerly next to Lily on hers. She continued, "Lily, it's been months! You can't let what happened last year control you this way. You need to learn to put this behind you. I don't mean to sound cruel, but… if you can't learn to move on, you're going to end up alone forever. With cats."

Lily smiled a slow, sad smile. "You're a horrid creature, you do know that, right?"

"Learned from the best," Emma replied with a little laugh.

"So," Lily continued, serious once more, "what do I do now?"

"Lils, I can't tell you what to do and you know it. Stop acting dim, I know you're a smarter person than that…" she trailed off, considering a moment, before she started up again, "…but if it were _me,_ I'd have had Mr. Sexy Chaser pinned against a wall HOURS ago."

"Emma, you're insufferable," Lily laughed, throwing her arms around her friend in a tight hug.

"But you know you love me."

"Indeed," Lily said happily. "Soooooo, about that Christmas present…"


	3. Sharing The Burden

Chapter Three: Sharing

After a few hours of chatting and doing homework, the girls started growing tired. Emma went to bed first, having nodded off several times while Lily was speaking.

"Oh Emma, just sleep. I'll talk to you in the morning."

"No, Lily, I'm not tired! I heard you!"

"What did I just say then?"

"Erm... that... Potions is a supreme waste of time because–"

"– Emma! I said that like an _hour_ ago!"

"You did?"

"Oh, just sleep. Now."

" 'Kay. Night, Lils."

Lying awake in the dark, surrounded by the sounds of her roommates' steady deep breathing, Lily's thoughts turned once again to the messy-haired boy she'd encountered earlier that day. It bothered her that she liked him so much. As she had painfully learned the hard way last year, boys could not be trusted. Especially boys like James... boys who had everything and wanted more, who carried on as if there were nothing more important in life than whatever foolish plan they were currently scheming, boys whom everyone loved, boys who knew everyone loved them... Boys like that were dangerous. She had made the mistake of letting one get close last year, and all she'd been left with were a broken heart and a general mistrust for all teenage males. Now, it felt as if her heart were breaking in two. She knew that James was probably a nice enough guy, a little immature maybe but not all bad; but at the same time, her healing heart wouldn't allow her to let her guard down. She wouldn't hurt like that again. She _couldn't_.

She heard a stirring from across the room, followed by a sleepy sounding whisper of "you okay, Lils?" That was when Lily first felt the tears streaming fown her cheeks, and realized that the memories had started her crying again. Wiping her eyes with the back the sleeve of her nightshirt, she whispered back, "yeah, I'm fine." She knew she had an early study group meeting the next morning, so she closed her eyes, pushed the painful memory back into the dark recesses of her mind, and concentrated on her breathing... in... out... in... out...

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Remus' eyes shot open with the first sound of his enchanted alarm clock, and he quickly and quietly reached over the lifeless lump of a person next to him to grab his wand off the bed-stand. He muttered a few words and the offensive sound stopped. Remus dropped the wand and shifted his weight to face the warm body next to his. It had been a week now since Sirius had started sleeping in his bed. The first time, his excuse had been that Remus' bed was comfier. The second time, he'd had a 'nightmare'. Eventually, Remus started instinctively scooting over for him at night, and when Sirius first noticed this the look on his face was priceless—a cross between the look of an overexcited puppy and a scheming and sly fox. Remus loved that look.

After a moment of staring at the long, ebony strands cascading around his lover's face on the pillow, Remus playfully pursed his lips and blew lightly on his sleeping boyfriend's eyelids, causing them to flutter open in surprise. When he realized what Remus had done, his lips curled up into a slow, sexy smile as he ran a hand through his dark hair in an irritatingly arousing way. 'Merlin,' Remus thought to himself, 'he's even gorgeous first thing in the morning!'

"Morning, Moony," Sirius half purred, reaching a hand out to stroke Remus' soft brown locks.

"Mmm… morning," Remus whispered back.

"Sleep okay?"

"Always, when you're here."

"I didn't keep you up too late?"

Remus loved the new, overly considerate boyfriend-Sirius.

"Wouldn't complain if you had."

"Mmm… I love you."

"Love you more."

"As well you should," Sirius retorted playfully, the mischievous glint in his eye stirring a soft laugh in Remus. He looked at the boy next to him, lying there twisted in _his_ bedsheets, and was almost tempted to skip his study session for a makeout session on the spot, but then he shook his head to clear himself of such thoughts. Remus leaned forward then, ever so slightly, to place a gentle kiss on the soft, full lips in front of him. He broke away then and stood, much to the groaning protest of a now fully wide-awake Sirius.

"Where are you going so early?"

"Siri, love, you _know_ I have study group on Tuesday mornings."

"Right, loser club, forgot about that. But what am I gonna doooooo? It's still hours 'til breakfast!" Sirius whined.

Remus grinned wickedly. "There's room in James' bed. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

Sirius turned and grabbed one of Remus' pillows to throw at him, but was stopped suddenly by Remus, who'd run quickly back to the bed and jumped onto the other boy. Holding the arm wielding the pillow in one hand, the other hand clamped over Sirius' mouth, he whispered frantically, "Shh! They're still sleeping!"

Sirius took this opportunity to lick Remus' hand, causing him to drop it with a surprised "ah!". Sirius leaned forward quickly then, and roughly kissed Remus' open and unsuspecting mouth. Remus let himself melt into the kiss, both boys letting their hands roam wildly over one another. Remus let out a soft moan into his mate's mouth, which seemed to please the other boy as he pulled his boyfriend closer, holding him tightly to his own body. Just as he was starting to move his hand down toward the drawstring of Remus' pajama pants, a pillow sailed silently through the air and bopped Sirius in the head. When his hand flew up to the spot where he had been attacked, Remus hastily jumped back, looking thoroughly like a child just caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Looking in the direction of the pillow attack, they found James sitting up in his bed, knees drawn up to his chest. Despite the fact that he had just foiled a potential shag scenario, he was grinning at the couple before him.

"Guys," he started, still grinning wickedly, "this is just not going to work. First you told us you were together, and that was fine. Then you started sharing a bed, and that was okay too. But now," he continued, laughing quite hard now, "now I'm forced to wake up to a live X-rated show? Uh uh. Not. Gonna. Happen." By this time, he was almost hysterical with laughter. Sirius was pretending to scowl, but was also laughing pretty hard as well, and Remus was blushing furiously but looked amused nonetheless. He was lucky, and he was sure Sirius agreed, that their friends were so cool about them. He looked again at his alarm clock, and then addressed the others.

"Right, then, I'm off," Remus announced, turning to Sirius. He rummaged through his drawers a bit and came up with a pair of worn jeans, a black button-down shirt, and his school robes. He gathered up his things and headed toward the bathroom for a shower. He had gotten as far as the door before Sirius called out, "Rem!"

He turned around and looked back. Sirius gave him his hottest, most smoldering smile and said seductively, "See you later, Moony."

Remus all but ran out of the room, somehow managing to feebly croak out a hasty "see you". Sirius stared after his boyfriend and eventually started to chuckle wickedly as James, doubled over in maniacal laughter, told him, "Poor Moony never knew what he was getting himself into."

Sirius smirked. "Hah… getting himself _into._"

And before he knew it, another pillow hit Sirius Black right square on the head.

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Remus opted for a cold shower that morning. The entire time, as the ice cold water hit the top of his head, whenever he closed his eyes, all he could see was his boyfriend's face. It had been three months since they'd become official (which, romantically enough, had been during the very first week of their Sixth year), but it still didn't feel real to Remus. He loved Sirius with all his heart, soul, and being. And he knew that Sirius loved him too. He saw it in the way his mate would always throw a possessive arm around him whenever an attractive girl—or guy—came around. He saw it in the way Sirius' face would cloud over when anyone would mention how promiscuous—not to mention straight—he had been for the last two or three years ("I'm a different person now" was his response of choice). He knew Sirius loved him, but it was so hard to trust him. Sirius was so charming, so confident, so sure of himself, so _passionate_, that it was almost intimidating…

Remus turned the shower off, got dressed, and went down to the common room where he would be meeting with 10 or 11 other Sixth years who were all currently studying for Prof. Binns' History of Magic midterm that week. When he arrived, he took his usual seat next to Lily Evans, whom he had always somehow gotten along really well with. He turned to face her and say hi, and was greeted by the saddest and most tired looking visage he had ever seen. Without thinking or even hesitating, he instinctively pulled her into a tight hug and asked her what was wrong. She sniffed a little and said, "Oh it's nothing. I feel so stupid crying over it."

Remus held her an arm's length away to look her in the eye and said firmly, "Lily, it's not stupid if it's making you feel this upset. You can't help how you feel."

Lily studied his face and after a moment seemed to deem him trustworthy. She nodded her head to the right, and getting the hint, Remus held her by the arm and led her to a couch in a more secluded part of the room. When they were seated and comfortable, Lily looked apologetically at her friend and said, "I'm sorry I'm making you miss an hour of studying."

"Don't worry about it," Remus answered, smiling sweetly at her, "unlike most of those kids, I actually took notes in Binns' class. And so did you, I've seen you. I'm sure it'll be a breeze for us."

Lily tried to smile then but it came out as more of a grimace, and Remus' instantly lost the look of curiosity in favor of one of genuinely deep concern.

"Lily, please tell me, what's got you so upset? I don't care if you think it's stupid," he added with a friendly yet stern tone which caused Lily to look up at him, surprised at both his sensitivity and his forceful concern. In that moment, Remus noticed that the muscles in Lily's face seemed to loosen, and the boy knew he had gotten through to her, that she would open up to him.

"Remus… I have a slight problem."

"Go on."

"I'm pretty sure… no, I'm absolutely sure that I've got an enormous crush on…" she hesitated, not knowing how her new friend would react.

"Lily, I won't say anything."

"Potter. James Potter. I don't know how it happened. I just got used to seeing him everywhere… prefect meetings, classes, the common room… and I've always thought he was so… charming, you know? And those gorgeous eyes of his and the way he runs his hands through his messy hair when he's nervous, making it even worse—" she stopped, realizing she was rambling. She looked at Remus, who was smiling, so she continued. "Anyway, there was always a certain attraction to him on my end. But it's been so hard to accept, because he's exactly the kind of guy I've always tried to avoid. Arrogant, mischievous, attention-seeking, sometimes even bullying… and I want to be able to look past that, because if anything eve did happen between us I'd want to be into it 100, not apprehensive because I don't trust him…" She shook her head slowly and sighed. "Listen to me, I sound as though he's just proposed. I don't even know if he's that interested in me. He could flirt with all the girls he knows, and I'd be none the wiser because I'm still too stuck on his lovely eyes and how fast he rides his broom to-" At that last word, she stopped abruptly. Remus was confused, and gently encouraged her to tell him what had happened.

Lily took a deep breath and, looking down at her hands folded in her lap, started quietly and somberly, "Remus, before I met you last year, I was seeing someone named Henry McEwen. We were together almost the whole school year, and he was the first boy I ever said yes to after being asked out. He was the Seeker of the Gryffindor Quidditch team last year, remember him?"

Remus shook his head no.

"Well anyway, things were going alright for a while, but he was so… pushy, you know what I mean?" she asked pointedly. Remus nodded.

"One night, after they had won their second to last match of the year. We went to a party in the common room—that, you have to remember—and he had one too many shots of Firewhiskey. I'd already taken his wand away—nothing worse than a drunken hex, right?—and I was about ready to take him up to his room and go back to my own and go to sleep. He clearly couldn't go up on his own, and his friends were too out of it to really be much help. And when we got up to his room, he pushed me in and closed the door, and wouldn't let me leave… and he… he tried to…" Lily couldn't bring herself to put into words what had happened that night. She never could. It had been hard enough to even bring up Henry's name, but to talk about what he had almost done, what she had almost let him do… Lily's shoulders started to shake and she fought back the tears stinging her eyelids as she struggled to finish her story. As hard as it was to talk about, it felt good for someone other than Emma to know. Sharing the burden made it a lot more bearable.

She inhaled deeply and started again. "I didn't tell anyone that night, not even Emma when she heard me crying in bed. Eventually I told her, because she was so worried about how messed up I got after the fact. Remus, now I realize how stupid it was, but at the time I felt like it was my fault. I did everything I knew I shouldn't have done but was foolish enough to think it'd never happen to me. I let him get drunk. I went to his room, at night. I didn't tell anyone where I was going. I let him close the door behind me when I went in. I let him… ughh… so Remus, that's my issue. That's why I'm so afraid to ever let myself date or love or feel again… because my first boyfriend may have damaged me forever." Then Lily really started to cry.

Remus was overwhelmed with emotion—here was this girl he barely knew, pouring her heart out to him—and all he wanted to do was make her pain go away. He pulled her into a close hug and rubbed her back consolingly, whispering "it's okay" and "it's all over now", trying to help her but not really knowing how. Finally, after a few minutes, Lily settled down and sat back, and with a sniffle she whispered, "Sorry, Remus." He looked at her incredulously, shocked that in her pain and anguish she had it in her heart to be apologetic. He leaned forward to look her dead in the eye and said, "Lily, listen to me. Don't apologize. You're my friend, one of my best friends in fact, and all I want is for you to be happy. If it takes a few tears to do that, so be it. You need to let yourself heal. You should be happy."

This time it was Lily who pulled her friend into a tight embrace, and the grim mood seemed to lift slightly as she shared this moment with a new close friend. With her face pressed into his shoulder, she groaned, "Why are all the perfect ones taken or gay? Which are you by the way?"

"Both actually," he said with a grin.

Lily gasped excitedly. "Who!"

Remus pulled away from her and looked down into his lap. "Sirius," he said very quietly.

"Oh…My…I think… I think that is even too disgustingly cute for _me_. That's saying a lot," she commented, smiling interestedly. "Huh… Sirius Black!"

Remus grinned. "Yep. My Siri."

"Ahhhhh… that's two perfectly good boys, wasted on each other. What's left for the rest of us?" she teased playfully.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Well, I know of one who isn't gay _or_ taken…"

Lily groaned again. "Rem-us…" she whined.

"Hey, he's my boyfriend's best friend, and one of my best friends too. And for all his faults, he's a great guy. I'm not going to push this. But now you know my opinion."

Both Lily and Remus were quiet for a moment, both clearly lost in thought.

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After a few minutes, Remus noticed that it was almost time for breakfast. He looked over and saw that the study group had all but disbanded, everyone talking now in pairs and three's, textbooks dropped carelessly to the floor. He dropped his gaze, now, to Lily, who was lying comfortably with her head in his lap, highlighting notes that she planned to look over just before the exam. Remus himself had his textbook open, but couldn't really concentrate. He was thinking about—who else?—Sirius. Daydreaming, really. Imagining what would be happening the next time they were alone together…

"Okay, I'm going to go make myself look as though I _hadn't_ just been crying. Thank the gods for Muggle makeup!" she giggled. "See you at breakfast, Rem."

"Alright, Lily, see you then."

Lily went off up the stairs, and Remus went in the other direction toward the stairs leading down to the Great Hall, and he waited a bit so that he could walk down with Sirius. A second later, when he saw Lily's textbook lying near the couch they had been sitting on, he picked it up and put it in his bag before returning to the stairs. He spotted his boyfriend almost immediately coming down, and Remus hung back and fell into step with him, flashing him a brilliant smile.

"Hey, you. How was loser club this morning?"

"Oh shut up. Actually, I have something to talk to you about…"

A/N: It may be a while before I update again, since I'm leaving for college (yay!) on Saturday. In the meantime, pleeeeease review. I'm sure as writers most of you understand that happy feeling you get when you see that message in ur inbox saying someone left u a review. That happy feeling means Winnie updates earlier, because she can't just leave people hanging like that . So, if you love me (or even if you just kind of like this story), leave me a review. I don't care if all it says is "this is me reviewing, ok bye". Kk? Alrighty then. Til next time!


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